“The one big surprise is that as it turns out, God is the sun. It makes sense, if you think about it. Why we didn’t see it sooner I cannot say. Every day the sun was right there burning out and other planets hovering around it, always apologizing, and we didn’t think it was God. Why would there be a God and also a sun? Of course God is the sun.
Everyone in the life before was cranky, I think, because they just wanted to know.”—After I Was Thrown in the River, Dave Eggers
You shouldn’t have worn those basketball shorts if you didn’t want me to throw a basketball directly at your head 8000 times
You shouldn’t have worn that used Guinness t-shirt if you didn’t want me to kidnap you to Ireland and make you brew it for the rest of your life
You shouldn’t have worn that old high-school sweatshirt if you didn’t want me to force you to body-swap with a young 14 year old boy who is just beginning his formative years at said high school
Hey baby, why don’t you go into the backyard and build me a large deck. It’s your place to be out amongst nature and use your hands. Become one with the birds and the wood. Don’t think, just build. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Hey baby, why don’t you go to the garage and sit there for a few hours and maybe secretly drink in the garage because you’re having trouble dealing with the pressures of family life and also maybe plink around with some tools? That’s where YOU belong!
What are you, on your blue balls? Is that why you’re so grumpy?
I don’t think men should speak they should just fix engines and give me their seed to produce babies I will eventually put in viral Vine videos
All that guy needs is a good hand job. Then he’d stop complaining.. I know all he needs is my really inadequate horrible lazy too-short hand job because honestly I don’t know much about the male anatomy
Guy needs to just shut up and learn their place: all they have to do is hike up those sexy short shorts and show off those shrively balls
You’re being SUCH a dude! Woman up.
You’re looking good with those khaki shorts on, dude. Reaaaaaaaal good. I wanna see your happy trail, baby. Come on, show me your happy trail. Your pubes. Show me your pubes. Ohhhhh what? You’re a loser or something? You don’t want to pull off your khaki shorts for me? Go home and play with your video games, you geek!
As a woman, I don’t really like when men look unnatural. They should look natural. Instead of wearing polos and jeans, they should be slightly less erect and wear the fur of mastodons and carry around a club of some type. Also only grunt. They should be cavemen.
Guys shouldn’t hold positions of powers because they are way too emotional. They get really upset over basketball games or video games, and like, what if we have a male president and his team lost? He probably would bomb China.
He’s a nice guy, but he really wears a lot of Axe perfume out to bars. Like, I’m not judging or anything but it kind of gives off the vibe that he just hands it out for free. I just don’t really dig guys like that and I like to kind of devalue them for their sexual choices.
MAKE OUT MAKE OUT MAKE OUT MAKE OUT *all chant while two dudes are talking*
Chop off your penis if you don’t want us to stare at it
isn’t always magic.
Sometimes it’s just melting.
Where it’s black and blue.
Where it hurts the most.
Last night I saw your ghost
peddling a bicycle with a basket
towards a moon as full as my heavy head
and I wanted nothing more
than to be sitting in that basket
like ET, with my glowing heart glowing right through
my chest, and my glowing finger
pointing in the direction
of our home.
All she wanted
was find a place to stretch her bones
A place to lengthen her smiles
and spread her hair
A place where her legs could walk
without cutting and bruising
A place unchained
She was born out of ocean breath.
I reminded her;
‘Stop pouring so much of yourself
into hearts that have no room for themselves
Do not thin yourself
You do not bring the ocean to a river’
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”—
“A happy or unhappy life is your own creation. Nobody else is responsible. If you remember this, you won’t find fault with anybody. You are your own best friend as well as your worst enemy”—~Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras (via jillpaschal)
There will come a time when you want to cut off all your hair. Do it. Realise that the thing you want rid of doesn’t lie in the long curls that frame your face so perfectly. Live with short hair for a while. It’ll grow.
You won’t always want to talk to people. That’s okay. When it’s late and you hear your friends talking in the next room, you don’t have to join them. You’re allowed your solitude. It makes company sweeter and it teaches you how to survive alone. You will need that skill.
In the winter, you’ll believe that nothing will ever grow again. You’re wrong. Every year, London looks like it’s on its last legs, wheezing through those last cold days in March. Every year, spring comes like an explosion and the city shakes off its sleep.
Mundane problems will get the better of you sometimes. Don’t worry. Try as you might, life cannot be an endless, beautiful, intense moment. Find comfort in money worries and late trains; they’re a welcome rest in between heartbreaks and breakdowns.
People will call you a cynic, a wry smile on their faces. Pay them no mind. You alone know that you are capable of a love greater than anything they can comprehend. You alone know that you are not willing to sell your identity and respect to the first smirking halfwit to pass by. It is not cynicism. It is reverence for your own vast and fathomless heart, and it makes sense only to love someone who understands that and is awed by it.
You will not always get what you want when you want it. Accept it. Your goals are not set in stone and you are not on a fixed trajectory. Sometimes, life will take its time and you will have to play the long, interminable game. Play it well and with as much grace as you can muster. Live at your own pace.
At night, you will occasionally wake up afraid, wanting to die. Don’t give in. Night plays its tricks, but you are not so easily fooled. Your mind will play its tricks, too. It will make you believe that you’re not who you are, but you must not give in. You take a breath and you tell yourself that you are here. That you always were.
”—Practical Advice for Difficult Women (#20 - 9th December)
When I realized I loved you it was not romantic Not flush with pink roses & wine but rather normal Rather standing in line at CVS clutching a four pack of peanut butter cups & cold medicine It was a quiet realization Like checking the weather I was currently standing in "Huh. It’s a bit warmer than I would have guessed.”